CUDSA
Confront the behaviour
Understand each other's position
Define the problem
Search for a solution
Agree
Activity
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Explanation
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Example
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Confront the behaviour
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Concentrate on the behaviour not the person. Ask then to modify their behaviour so that you can talk about the issue.
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I feel uncomfortable when you say xxx. Please can we discuss this calmly so that we can get to the problem.
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Understand each other's position
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Take the time to understand the other's position. Is it a real issue, or is it based on misunderstanding? Have you got all of the information, or only part of the story? Respect their position and ask them to respect yours.
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Please tell me slowly what you think the issue is. Please then listen to my reply.
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Define the problem
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Get into the detail, but try not to react by becoming defensive, sulking, aggressive or other negative behaviour. Repeat back to the other party, your understanding of their side of the story. Stay in adult.
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I understand that you feel ..., and that you have an issue with ..., and that the reason behind this is ... Is this correct?
My position is ...
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Search for a solution
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This involves cooperation. Search for a win-win solution wherever possible. The best solution is one where each party feels that they have gained at least part of their point if not all.
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I suggest that I will agree to ... if you are happy to give me ... This way we both gain something positive.
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Agree
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Get an agreement - even if it is an agreement to differ. Make sure any agreement is stated clearly and unambiguously. If necessary, write it down.
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In these (...) circumstances, I agree to ... and you agree to ... If things substantially change then we will review this agreement.
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Find out more in the eBook Lets Agree to Differ: Handling Conflict at Work
