Three Sources of Conflict

In my experience working with organisations there are three factors behind most organisational conflicts:

1. Differences in behaviour and communication styles

2. Differences in priorities and values

3. Workplace conditions, including poor communications from leaders

Some personalities just seem to clash. It's important to determine why two people rub each other the wrong way. Do they have opposing behavioural styles?

For example, an extrovert who is open and expressive could view an introvert as hard to read and perhaps untrustworthy. Likewise, a time-conscious, highly organised employee may harshly judge a spontaneous colleague. Someone who is highly analytical and precise might view an intuitive person as impulsive and flaky.

Teaching team members to understand basic human differences can help them overcome tendencies to judge and make assumptions. They can learn to accept coworkers’ differences. Consider using any of the commonly accepted assessment tools, such as PRISM or Belbin.

Workshops provide another option. An extrovert can learn to ask questions to draw out an introvert. The highly organized team member can learn to set more realistic deadlines.

Understanding personality differences can help prevent clashes and conflicts before they become ongoing problems.

I offer several options for learning about personalities in the workplace to help deal with differences and conflicts.

Expectations and Assumptions

People have different needs, values, beliefs, assumptions and cultural frameworks. Our expectations are fed by past experiences. If you erroneously assume that others are essentially mirror images, your lack of clarity can create strife.

Leaders and teams must explore others’ expectations, assumptions, underlying values and priorities. This can be accomplished in group or individual sessions, led by a manager or coach.

When there is an elevated degree of conflict, it's wise to retain a professional who is trained in interpersonal skills and mediation.

Behind every complaint is an underlying value that goes unsatisfied. Asking questions like “What’s really important here?” often allows people to uncover competing values and priorities. You will facilitate more authentic conversations when you ask the right questions.

What do you think about these ideas? What do you see as a major source of conflict in your organisation?

Why do teams get stuck?

If your team is struggling or seems to have got stuck, it may be for one of the following reasons.

1.    Inappropriate Leadership. Lack of structure or clear leadership can lead to a team becoming  dysfunctional and/or resistant. This in turn can lead to a high turnover of staff and without intervention disbandment of the team as being non -performing.

2.     Unqualified team members. Teams need to both have the appropriate technical skills as well as a balance to the necessary roles. If team members are lacking in basic skills, they need to have the appropriate training or be moved on.

3.     Unconstructive Climate An effective team needs to have an open climate that bridges differences and encourages individuals. If team members become defensive or secretive the team will struggle to thrive. Important issues must be openly discussed and resolutions found wherever possible.

4.     Projection and scapegoating  where the teams problems are being caused by "external influences". By making others part of the problem the team is adopting a "it wasn't me" attitude.

5.    Dominance of one or more personality/ behaviour types. It is not uncommon for the leader of a team to recruit "someone like them" or "someone who fits in" who consequently adds to the teams skills and strengths in a particular area, but does not necessarily address any gaps the team may have. Lopsided teams can often find it difficult to move forward.

6.    Teams , like the people within them, have a sense of self-esteem. Low self esteem can be a result of many things but might include: lack of drive, lack of recognition, lack of pride in their work. If their perception is  one of low self esteem, they will find it difficult to develop and move forward.

7.    Low creativity. Teams that are allowed to explore their creativity are more flexible in their approach and quicker to solve problems than those that are asked to deliver things in a fixed and rigid way. There is a difference between setting and measuring standards for particular tasks and preventing any creativity in achieving them. Harnessing creativity requires a level of risk and clear risk assessment should go hand in hand with the creative process.

 

 

7 Ways to Say Something Difficult

Have you got something difficult to say?  Check out this Prezi which will give you a few ideas about how to approach it.




Find out more in the A Useful Guide to Resolving Conflict

How Managers Contribute to Workplace Conflict

A disruptive member of your team can cause real problems with other team members. A case recently comes to mind where a new office manager was appointed. Jo was clearly very efficient at her job and had the ability to get on with tasks given to her. But her manner was abrupt and dismissive. She assumed that she had the right to interrupt  and took delight in showing up other people's faults.

Unfortunately her manager was too busy to really notice, and so relieved that she had someone to pass some of her workload to, that she chose to ignore the warning signs. She tried to paper over any issues with comments such as "Let's see how thing go." or " Now is not the time to address this."

Over a period of a three of months, 1 person left and another tendered their resignation. Their resignations caused a hole in the expertise in team. Luckily they realised at this stage what the problem was and finally listened to their teams concerns. Jo, who was still on probation, was asked to leave.   However, although one resignation was saved,  Jo's manager had to spend a lot of time recruiting new people to fill the hole that was left from the person that did leave.

This situation was resolved quite quickly, but sometimes problems can go on for months or on occasions years. Ignoring the disruptive behaviour of one individual can have a much wider ripple effect on the rest of the team. 

Managers contribute to conflict by communicating ambiguously, either intentionally or unintentionally.

Most of us want to avoid conflict, but we can sometimes “talk out of both sides of our mouths” and give mixed messages. Such ambiguous communication fosters an organizational climate that discourages commitment (at best) and promotes conflicts (at worst).

I'm not saying managers do this on purpose (although some do). But highly educated people are skilled in the language of diplomacy and often try to address the needs and desires of a wide audience. In trying to please everyone, they craft messages that border on double-speak.

This is more of an explanation but not a rationalization and it certainly isn't a good excuse.  

Leaders need to be more direct, frank and clear. I'd like to see more executives stand up and remove the barriers to candour. Why don't more of them tell it like it really is?

Many managers are sitting too close to the blackboard to see their own communication errors. An unbiased professional coach or consultant can spot weaknesses and help correct approaches that contribute to conflict. http://bit.ly/w84A5x

What do you think about these possible sources that create more conflict instead of helping people do their work in the best possible environment? I'd love to hear your comments.

Check out The Useful Guide to Resolving Conflict

Stress - The 7 C's

Stress - The 7 C's

In time for National Stress Awareness Day, here are the 7 C's behind Stress and what you can do about them.

Stressor No. 1 - Poor COMMUNICATION

•       Poor communication leads to misunderstanding, missed opportunities, bad feeling. 

•       Assertive communication helps deal with these. Learning  good communication skills can help you at work and at home.

Stressor No. 2 - Lack of CAPABILITY

•       If you have not been trained to do a job then is it fair to expect you to do it well?

•       Give yourself the best possible chance to do well by getting the best possible training for the job in hand.

Stressor No. 3 - Too little CAPACITY

·        Not having enough capacity to deal with day-today issues can lead to a sense of overwhelm which can be overpowering and cause you to want to give up or walk away.

·        This may be a case of needing to review your work life balance or getting yourself organised.

·         It may be the case that you need to learn how to say "No."

·        Make sure you review where you are in your life, the things you want to keep and the things you want to walk away from. Now work out a plan to do just that.

Stressor No. 4 - Loss of CONTROL

•       People get stressed about a situation because they feel out of control.

•       Different people react in different ways to loss of control and will use different strategies to  get back to a level of acceptable control for them .

•       Learning how you react to loss of control and the strategies that you use, can help you to understand what you might do differently.

Stressor No. 5 - Dealing with CHANGE

•       Many people don’t like change and get very stressed as a result.

•       The first steps to dealing with change is to accept it is inevitable and then deal with the consequences rather than the fact itself.

•       Learn to embrace change so it doesn’t scare you as much.

Stressor No. 6 - Resolving CONFLICT

For those of us who don’t like conflict, it can be a major source of stress. Learning to deal with it can be a major benefit. There are many ways of dealing with conflict, dependent on your situation. Here are a few:

1.       Don't take the bait.

2.       Consider the underlying causes. Is it obvious why someone is upset?

3.       Pause before you react. This will give you thinking time.

4.       Check your own behaviour. Is it part of the problem?

5.       Listen.

6.       Acknowledge that they may be correct in part of their concern.

7.       Be willing to negotiate if appropriate.

8.       Remain assertive.

9.       Stay in adult.

10.    Look for warning and danger signs.

11.    Check your distances.

12.    Avoid competing.

13.    Think Win/Win.

14.    Be prepared to deal with emotion and anger.

15.    Be aware, be alert.

16.    Know your legal position.

Stressor No. 7 - Dealing with a CRISIS

•       We all have to deal with crisis from time to time, whether it is personal or at work. Knowing how you are likely to react will help you plan on how to deal with things in the future.

•       Crises can hit us at anytime. Illness, a death in the family, divorce, bad debt. Unfortunately they are all too common. And can really knock you for six when they happen.

•       If you are dealing with a crisis, make sure that you have the support mechanisms in place to help you as much as possible,. This might include medical and legal professionals, friends and family, a coach or counsellor.

Want to find out more about how you can manage stress more effectively? Here are some useful links:

De-Stress You- Kindle Version

Useful Guides from Pansophix including:  A Useful Guide to De-Stress You,  A Useful Guide to Resolving Conflict, A Useful Guide to Create a New You - by Berry Winter

For Stress Coaching - http://www.jamberry.co.uk/coaching/coaching_home.html

For a variety of online products - http://www.jamberryonline.co.uk/index.html

Managing Conflict - CUDSA

When you are in a conflict situation, in the heat of the moment it can sometimes be difficult to remember what to do. There are a number of acronyms that may help you to remember. The first is:

CUDSA

Confront the behaviour

Understand each other's position

Define the problem

Search for a solution

Agree

Activity	Explanation	Example
Confront the behaviour	Concentrate on the behaviour not the person. Ask then to modify their behaviour so that you can talk about the issue.	I feel uncomfortable when you say xxx. Please can we discuss this calmly so that we can get to the problem.
Understand each other's position	Take the time to understand the other's position. Is it a real issue, or is it based on misunderstanding? Have you got all of the information, or only part of the story? Respect their position and ask them to respect yours.	Please tell me slowly what you think the issue is. Please then listen to my reply.
Define the problem	Get into the detail, but try not to react by becoming defensive, sulking, aggressive or other negative behaviour. Repeat back to the other party, your understanding of their side of the story. Stay in adult.	I understand that you feel ..., and that you have an issue with ..., and that the reason behind this is ... Is this correct? My position is ...
Search for a solution	This involves cooperation. Search for a win-win solution wherever possible. The best solution is one where each party feels that they have gained at least part of their point if not all.	I suggest that I will agree to ... if you are happy to give me ... This way we both gain something positive.
Agree	Get an agreement - even if it is an agreement to differ. Make sure any agreement is stated clearly and unambiguously. If necessary, write it down.	In these (...) circumstances, I agree to ... and you agree to ... If things substantially change then we will review this agreement.

Find out more in the eBook Lets Agree to Differ: Handling Conflict at Work

7 Ways to Deal with Difficult People

Dealing with difficult people is about staying in control of yourself, of the situation and the conversation. Sometimes you have to brave it out. This doesn’t mean fighting back but it may mean waiting until they have vent their spleen. Here are a few ideas on how you can deal with difficult people.

Listen – people like to talk about themselves so let them have their say. By listening you are creating an opportunity for that person to release pent up feelings. The trick is to know when to say stop, now I have listened and it is time to move on.

Build empathy – empathy is about being able to respect each others different points of view. You have opened up the communications channels. You do not have to sympathise with someone to build understanding about someone else’s position.

Build rapport – by listening you have started the process. It enables you to find the points of connection and build on those to create a good working relationship.

Be patient – difficult people are not always the loud ones. Sometimes quiet people can be just as difficult to deal with. They may come across as shy, sullen, uncommunicative etc. Give them the opportunity to overcome their reluctance to communicate in a non-threatening environment.

Stay in adult – if someone is acting in a childish way, don’t react by becoming childish as well. Stay in adult mode and wait for them to catch you up. Remember how frustrating toddlers are to deal with. Give them some space to work things out for themselves.

Bring them back to the point – the difficulty may be someone who likes to talk too much. Each time they go off the subject bring them gently but firmly back to the matter in hand.

Watch your language – you can’t always understand someone else’s feeling, but you can accept that they have the right to have them. Avoid “I understand how you feel…” and substitute “I understand that you are feeling…” Always comment on the behaviour not the person.