Three Sources of Conflict

In my experience working with organisations there are three factors behind most organisational conflicts:

1. Differences in behaviour and communication styles

2. Differences in priorities and values

3. Workplace conditions, including poor communications from leaders

Some personalities just seem to clash. It's important to determine why two people rub each other the wrong way. Do they have opposing behavioural styles?

For example, an extrovert who is open and expressive could view an introvert as hard to read and perhaps untrustworthy. Likewise, a time-conscious, highly organised employee may harshly judge a spontaneous colleague. Someone who is highly analytical and precise might view an intuitive person as impulsive and flaky.

Teaching team members to understand basic human differences can help them overcome tendencies to judge and make assumptions. They can learn to accept coworkers’ differences. Consider using any of the commonly accepted assessment tools, such as PRISM or Belbin.

Workshops provide another option. An extrovert can learn to ask questions to draw out an introvert. The highly organized team member can learn to set more realistic deadlines.

Understanding personality differences can help prevent clashes and conflicts before they become ongoing problems.

I offer several options for learning about personalities in the workplace to help deal with differences and conflicts.

Expectations and Assumptions

People have different needs, values, beliefs, assumptions and cultural frameworks. Our expectations are fed by past experiences. If you erroneously assume that others are essentially mirror images, your lack of clarity can create strife.

Leaders and teams must explore others’ expectations, assumptions, underlying values and priorities. This can be accomplished in group or individual sessions, led by a manager or coach.

When there is an elevated degree of conflict, it's wise to retain a professional who is trained in interpersonal skills and mediation.

Behind every complaint is an underlying value that goes unsatisfied. Asking questions like “What’s really important here?” often allows people to uncover competing values and priorities. You will facilitate more authentic conversations when you ask the right questions.

What do you think about these ideas? What do you see as a major source of conflict in your organisation?

Does Presenting Put You in a Spin?

For many people the stress of presenting is the worst part.

Your heart rate increases, you get sweaty palms, and you would rather be somewhere else.

But remember:

No one wants you to fail!

Everyone, including your audience wants you to succeed.  After all why would they choose to listen to a poor presentation?

Here are a few ideas to help you overcome that stress.

Deep breathing

When we are nervous, we tend to need more oxygen to help us to relax. Try this exercise before you need to speak.

• Sit straight in your chair with your hands loosely clasped on your laps and with your eyes shut
• Slowly breath in as you slowly count to three 
• Then breath out – again to your count of three
• As you breathe out allow your shoulders to relax towards the floor
•  Repeat twice then breathe gently for a moment or two before opening your eyes in your own time
•  This is an excellent  remedy for panic! It can be used whenever things seem to be racing out of control

Visualisation

When you are preparing for the presentation spend a little time with your eyes closed and visualise the presentation going really well. Most nervousness is caused by our negative inner voices telling us that this will not work. Replace them with positive affirmations.

Take on a character - but be yourself!

We all hide behind characters sometimes. Doing a presentation maybe one time when that is a useful trait.  Don't lose what makes you special,  but you can copy ideas from people you admire.

Be prepared

Know what you want to say,  how you are going to say it,  plan for any questions. Knowing that you are fully prepared will give you more confidence. If you have the opportunity, rehearse - it is amazing how different it is in practice to being on paper.

Reduce the importance

If this presentation goes wrong, what is the worst that can happen? Most presentations are over quite quickly so think about what you are going to afterwards to celebrate how well it went!

Rescue Remedy

Rescue Remedy can be a solution for some people. Made from flowers it is available in all good chemists!

Check your Equipment!

One of the most common concerns is that the presentation equipment will fail, leaving you in the lurch. It has happened to me on occasions! So you need to develop a backup plan. Have your presentation on a memory stick as well as your lap top. Can you transfer the core information if you needed to flipchart? Having a backup plan will make you feel more confident that you can carry on whatever.

Stress - The 7 C's

Stress - The 7 C's

In time for National Stress Awareness Day, here are the 7 C's behind Stress and what you can do about them.

Stressor No. 1 - Poor COMMUNICATION

•       Poor communication leads to misunderstanding, missed opportunities, bad feeling. 

•       Assertive communication helps deal with these. Learning  good communication skills can help you at work and at home.

Stressor No. 2 - Lack of CAPABILITY

•       If you have not been trained to do a job then is it fair to expect you to do it well?

•       Give yourself the best possible chance to do well by getting the best possible training for the job in hand.

Stressor No. 3 - Too little CAPACITY

·        Not having enough capacity to deal with day-today issues can lead to a sense of overwhelm which can be overpowering and cause you to want to give up or walk away.

·        This may be a case of needing to review your work life balance or getting yourself organised.

·         It may be the case that you need to learn how to say "No."

·        Make sure you review where you are in your life, the things you want to keep and the things you want to walk away from. Now work out a plan to do just that.

Stressor No. 4 - Loss of CONTROL

•       People get stressed about a situation because they feel out of control.

•       Different people react in different ways to loss of control and will use different strategies to  get back to a level of acceptable control for them .

•       Learning how you react to loss of control and the strategies that you use, can help you to understand what you might do differently.

Stressor No. 5 - Dealing with CHANGE

•       Many people don’t like change and get very stressed as a result.

•       The first steps to dealing with change is to accept it is inevitable and then deal with the consequences rather than the fact itself.

•       Learn to embrace change so it doesn’t scare you as much.

Stressor No. 6 - Resolving CONFLICT

For those of us who don’t like conflict, it can be a major source of stress. Learning to deal with it can be a major benefit. There are many ways of dealing with conflict, dependent on your situation. Here are a few:

1.       Don't take the bait.

2.       Consider the underlying causes. Is it obvious why someone is upset?

3.       Pause before you react. This will give you thinking time.

4.       Check your own behaviour. Is it part of the problem?

5.       Listen.

6.       Acknowledge that they may be correct in part of their concern.

7.       Be willing to negotiate if appropriate.

8.       Remain assertive.

9.       Stay in adult.

10.    Look for warning and danger signs.

11.    Check your distances.

12.    Avoid competing.

13.    Think Win/Win.

14.    Be prepared to deal with emotion and anger.

15.    Be aware, be alert.

16.    Know your legal position.

Stressor No. 7 - Dealing with a CRISIS

•       We all have to deal with crisis from time to time, whether it is personal or at work. Knowing how you are likely to react will help you plan on how to deal with things in the future.

•       Crises can hit us at anytime. Illness, a death in the family, divorce, bad debt. Unfortunately they are all too common. And can really knock you for six when they happen.

•       If you are dealing with a crisis, make sure that you have the support mechanisms in place to help you as much as possible,. This might include medical and legal professionals, friends and family, a coach or counsellor.

Want to find out more about how you can manage stress more effectively? Here are some useful links:

De-Stress You- Kindle Version

Useful Guides from Pansophix including:  A Useful Guide to De-Stress You,  A Useful Guide to Resolving Conflict, A Useful Guide to Create a New You - by Berry Winter

For Stress Coaching - http://www.jamberry.co.uk/coaching/coaching_home.html

For a variety of online products - http://www.jamberryonline.co.uk/index.html

Keep a log

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14 ways to Keep your Head when All Around are Losing Theirs

Keeping calm when all around you are in a panic. Here are some simple thoughts on how to Stay Calm! Enjoy