7 Ways to Start a Story...

Storytelling in business has really taken off in the last few years, but whilst we may understand the need to tell a story knowing how to start it can sometimes be a bit trickier. So here are a few tips on ways to start a story:

1.       Imagine…

Probably one of the most evocative ways to get someone’s attention is to get their imagination working.  Imagine... works really well if you want to tell a “visionary” story, taking people to a place that perhaps they haven’t explored before. And depending on the follow up words you can take them to a wide variety of places and times. Imagine if… Imagine when… And then to make the story really powerful you need to show the audience the link between their leap of imagination and the reality of where they are now. So for example, imagine there was a new fuel to run cars on – and then show them a picture of a prototype and a path to take it from now to the future.

2.       I remember when…

This opening invites the audience to look at where they have come from and how much has changed (hopefully for the better). This a great way to remind people of the obstacles that they have already overcome and the put things into perspective. Sometimes people need reminding that they are making progress.

3.       I was walking down the street the other day…

You were in the middle of doing something ordinary when something extraordinary happened. It happens to people all the time, they are getting on with their lives when something happens that changes, interrupts and generally makes an impact. This can be a great starter for a story which is about a journey or about getting from where you are and going to where you want to be.

4.       It is a universal truth…

Starting with a provocative or unusual statement which makes the listener stops and think. They may or may not agree with your statement, but either way they will be tuned in to what you say next.

5.       Life is like a box of chocolates…

Here we have both a quote and a metaphor. Quotes are great (but don’t over use them). Metaphors are a way of getting people to think sideways and open up their thinking to the story you are going to tell them. They can help provide some distance between the same old thinking and a new approach.

6.       I get really mad when…

This starts with an emotion – an emotion you would like to draw your audience into. This is an invitation to get mad, to get excited, to get involved. It draws people in to what you are about to say next, particularly when delivered with passion.

7.       We are at the beginning of the end…

Paradoxes, where a statement seemingly contradicts itself are a way to show how two different contradictory thoughts can be held at the same time. In doing so they help change perspective and help open up our minds to alternative options.

The start of a story does not have to be “Once upon a time...” There are lots of alternatives. How does your story start?

See also Using stories in business (part 1)

A Good Listener is Like a Good Dancer

Remember Aunty Rose who doesn’t stop talking? Or Uncle Jack who loves to tell funny stories? How many times have you heard the story about….?

A Good Listener is Like a Good Dancer

A good dancer works with their partner, making the moves seem seamless. It is a skill that takes time to develop as anyone who has watched Strictly Come Dancing will know.

Active listening is also skill which takes time and effort to develop. It is not passive and takes commitment from the listener. Active listing shows that you value what the other person has to say and can encourage other people to talk.

Active listeners have freed their minds and made a commitment to absorb what the other person has to say so that they can respond appropriately. They do not make assumptions about what the other person is going to say – and therefore allow them to finish their sentence.

Active listeners:

·         Show interest

·         Request information

·         Obtain understanding

Here are the five rules to active listening

·         Pay attention.

o    Give the speaker your undivided attention and acknowledge the message. Recognize that what is not said also speaks loudly.

o    Look at the speaker directly.

o    Put aside distracting thoughts. Don’t mentally prepare a rebuttal!

o    Avoid being distracted by environmental factors.

o    “Listen” to the speaker’s body language.

o    Refrain from side conversations when listening in a group setting.

·         Show that you are listening.

o    Use your own body language and gestures to convey your attention.

o    Nod occasionally.

o    Smile and use other facial expressions.

o    Note your posture and make sure it is open and inviting.

o    Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like yes, and uh huh.

·         Provide feedback.

o    Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear. As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said. This may require you to reflect what is being said and ask questions.

o    Reflect what has been said by paraphrasing. “What I’m hearing is…” and “Sounds like you are saying…” are great ways to reflect back.

o    Ask questions to clarify certain points. “What do you mean when you say…” “Is this what you mean?”

o    Summarize the speaker’s comments periodically.

·         Defer judgment.

o    Interrupting is a waste of time. It frustrates the speaker and limits full understanding of the message.

o    Allow the speaker to finish.

o    Don’t interrupt with counter arguments.

·         Respond Appropriately.

o    Active listening is a model for respect and understanding. You are gaining information and perspective. You add nothing by attacking the speaker or otherwise putting him or her down.

o    Be candid, open, and honest in your response.

o    Assert your opinions respectfully.

o    Treat the other person as he or she would want to be treated.

Active listening is just one aspect of good communication skills. The more you practice the better you will get at it.

Three Sources of Conflict

In my experience working with organisations there are three factors behind most organisational conflicts:

1. Differences in behaviour and communication styles

2. Differences in priorities and values

3. Workplace conditions, including poor communications from leaders

Some personalities just seem to clash. It's important to determine why two people rub each other the wrong way. Do they have opposing behavioural styles?

For example, an extrovert who is open and expressive could view an introvert as hard to read and perhaps untrustworthy. Likewise, a time-conscious, highly organised employee may harshly judge a spontaneous colleague. Someone who is highly analytical and precise might view an intuitive person as impulsive and flaky.

Teaching team members to understand basic human differences can help them overcome tendencies to judge and make assumptions. They can learn to accept coworkers’ differences. Consider using any of the commonly accepted assessment tools, such as PRISM or Belbin.

Workshops provide another option. An extrovert can learn to ask questions to draw out an introvert. The highly organized team member can learn to set more realistic deadlines.

Understanding personality differences can help prevent clashes and conflicts before they become ongoing problems.

I offer several options for learning about personalities in the workplace to help deal with differences and conflicts.

Expectations and Assumptions

People have different needs, values, beliefs, assumptions and cultural frameworks. Our expectations are fed by past experiences. If you erroneously assume that others are essentially mirror images, your lack of clarity can create strife.

Leaders and teams must explore others’ expectations, assumptions, underlying values and priorities. This can be accomplished in group or individual sessions, led by a manager or coach.

When there is an elevated degree of conflict, it's wise to retain a professional who is trained in interpersonal skills and mediation.

Behind every complaint is an underlying value that goes unsatisfied. Asking questions like “What’s really important here?” often allows people to uncover competing values and priorities. You will facilitate more authentic conversations when you ask the right questions.

What do you think about these ideas? What do you see as a major source of conflict in your organisation?

7 Things to Consider to Ensure your #TeamBuilding Event Hits the Spot

Are you planning a TeamBuilding event? If you are here are some of the things you need to think about.

 

1.       What do you want to achieve? When arranging an event it is important to ensure that you are clear about your aims and objectives for the event. Is it an event where you want the team to get to know each other better and have some fun? Is that your sole objective? Or do you want something more? If it is something more what are the desired outcomes you have for the event?  And how are you going to measure if the event has been successful?  All of these are questions you need to ask before you can decide on the type of event that you are going to arrange. If you are not sure, talk it through with your facilitator and event organiser to help you to clarify the intentions.
2.       How long have you got available? Realistically there is only so much you can achieve in an afternoon or even a full day. So don’t set your ambitions too high, but make sure they are realistic and practical. Remember that if you are not holding an event onsite (which is always the best option) you may need to allow travel time. In fact, why not make the travel part of the day and book a coach or mini bus to pick everyone up?
3.       Budget. Whilst money may not be your main concern, everyone wants to feel that they have got value for money. When organising your event, make sure your event organiser has a realistic understanding about your budget and be prepared to discuss it with them. Good professional organisers will not try and sell you something you can’t afford and will help you to maximise your budget to get the best possible event.
4.       Number of people. The number of people you have coming to the event can make a big difference to what works and what doesn’t. Make sure that your event is suitable for the size of your group
5.       How adventurous are your team? There are vast number of different types of team building events available now, so you don’t need to run outdoor activities if indoor ones are more suited to your team, or the weather! Climbing mountains maybe the right answer for some, but not all. And indoor events need to be equally carefully considered. Whilst some people love music and drama others may prefer cooking or painting. Remember that it is not always possible to please everyone in the group, but a general consensus is helpful. Always bear in mind however, that any experience outside the norm may make some people uncomfortable – after all that is how we learn and grow as people.
6.       Choose professional facilitation. A professional facilitator will not only ensure that the day runs as smoothly as possible, but will also add to the experience by bring his/her knowledge to the event. Good team events include good set-up and de-briefing by a professional facilitator. If you are not sure who to choose ask for recommendations from others.
7.       Follow up after the event. Make sure that you and your team take on any learning points from the day and start to work them into your daily routine wherever possible. This might be a different way of working together or recognition of someone’s skills that were not appreciated before. Whatever it is, make sure that the team event is part of an on going process in your organisation. Not a one off jolly!

Team events should be productive, energetic and fun. Make sure yours gets your team fired up and enthusiastic!

7 Ways to Say Something Difficult

Have you got something difficult to say?  Check out this Prezi which will give you a few ideas about how to approach it.




Find out more in the A Useful Guide to Resolving Conflict

How Managers Contribute to Workplace Conflict

A disruptive member of your team can cause real problems with other team members. A case recently comes to mind where a new office manager was appointed. Jo was clearly very efficient at her job and had the ability to get on with tasks given to her. But her manner was abrupt and dismissive. She assumed that she had the right to interrupt  and took delight in showing up other people's faults.

Unfortunately her manager was too busy to really notice, and so relieved that she had someone to pass some of her workload to, that she chose to ignore the warning signs. She tried to paper over any issues with comments such as "Let's see how thing go." or " Now is not the time to address this."

Over a period of a three of months, 1 person left and another tendered their resignation. Their resignations caused a hole in the expertise in team. Luckily they realised at this stage what the problem was and finally listened to their teams concerns. Jo, who was still on probation, was asked to leave.   However, although one resignation was saved,  Jo's manager had to spend a lot of time recruiting new people to fill the hole that was left from the person that did leave.

This situation was resolved quite quickly, but sometimes problems can go on for months or on occasions years. Ignoring the disruptive behaviour of one individual can have a much wider ripple effect on the rest of the team. 

Managers contribute to conflict by communicating ambiguously, either intentionally or unintentionally.

Most of us want to avoid conflict, but we can sometimes “talk out of both sides of our mouths” and give mixed messages. Such ambiguous communication fosters an organizational climate that discourages commitment (at best) and promotes conflicts (at worst).

I'm not saying managers do this on purpose (although some do). But highly educated people are skilled in the language of diplomacy and often try to address the needs and desires of a wide audience. In trying to please everyone, they craft messages that border on double-speak.

This is more of an explanation but not a rationalization and it certainly isn't a good excuse.  

Leaders need to be more direct, frank and clear. I'd like to see more executives stand up and remove the barriers to candour. Why don't more of them tell it like it really is?

Many managers are sitting too close to the blackboard to see their own communication errors. An unbiased professional coach or consultant can spot weaknesses and help correct approaches that contribute to conflict. http://bit.ly/w84A5x

What do you think about these possible sources that create more conflict instead of helping people do their work in the best possible environment? I'd love to hear your comments.

Check out The Useful Guide to Resolving Conflict

Ways to Design Stories For Business and Presentations (part 3)

 This is the third in a series of posts about designing stories for business and presentations. Stories are so important because, done well, they evoke emotion. And as John Medina explains in Brian Rules:

"When the brain detects emotion the amygdala release dopamine into the system - aids memory and information processing. "

1.                  Create a picture association. People relate to pictures in very different ways to words. Pictures can be absorbed and read at very different levels. There has been a lot of study to look at people's eye movements in relation to pictures and which elements of a picture they go to first.  

2.                  Create a word association. If the important part of a story is to get people to remember particular points then using certain key words that evoke an emotion each time they are used can be very powerful. If for example you have 3 key concepts that you need to get across, can they be reduced to simple words or phrases and how can you build a story around them?

3.                  Start at the end. A trick often used by Hollywood. By starting at the end and then going back to provide an explanation of how the characters got there.

4.                  When, Where, What, Who, Why, How? Ask these questions and fill in the gaps. Goes well with no. 5

5.                  Use Mind Maps. If you haven't used Mind Maps before then learn how to do so. They are great for creating ideas and then finding the links.

6.                  List of characters, emotions, place, time. This is another way to find different elements of a story.

7.                  Look at storylines of films/books/TV and substitute different elements. Most stories have already been written. Whether it is in great classics or soaps, stories remerge, reworked and with new names but often the same outcomes.

8.                  Create a journey. Most stories are about journeys from A to C via B. They are journeys of discovery about self, about others, about power and frailty, about selfishness and selflessness. It is the settings that change.

If you would like help finding your stories, get in touch.

Creating Your Own Stories for Business and Presentations (Part 2)

Looking to create stories for your business? Stories are so powerful as they combine emotion, action, heros and villains and can really bring your business and presentations to life.

To start with you need to ask yourself a series of questions.

◦             What is the goal of your story? What do you want to happen as a result of telling your story?

◦             What’s in it for the audience? Why should they be interested? Why is it important that they listen?

◦             How much do they already know? If an audience is new to an area, how can you make your story simple enough to introduce them to a brad concept when they don't have the detail?

◦             What do you want your audience to spontaneously recall? What do you want people to walk away with?

o   That the lemon was orange? (ie not what they first thought.)

o   That the product is fun? (ie: it makes them smile when they think about it.)

o   An image of the bright red balloon? (ie. a specific picture.)

o  It made me sad, but happy? (ie. a specific emotion)

o A shocking fact (one that is difficult to shift from your mind)

◦             Where is the best place to use your story in the presentation?

o   The beginning - to capture attention and make sure that they have got the gist.

o   The middle - to recapture attention.

o   The end - to leave them with an emotional feeling to remember.

People's attention span is short. So using stories at strategic points cannot only be used to create contrast,  evoke emotion, explain difficult topics well, but it can also bring people's attention back to your narrative. Have fun with them!

Stress - The 7 C's

Stress - The 7 C's

In time for National Stress Awareness Day, here are the 7 C's behind Stress and what you can do about them.

Stressor No. 1 - Poor COMMUNICATION

•       Poor communication leads to misunderstanding, missed opportunities, bad feeling. 

•       Assertive communication helps deal with these. Learning  good communication skills can help you at work and at home.

Stressor No. 2 - Lack of CAPABILITY

•       If you have not been trained to do a job then is it fair to expect you to do it well?

•       Give yourself the best possible chance to do well by getting the best possible training for the job in hand.

Stressor No. 3 - Too little CAPACITY

·        Not having enough capacity to deal with day-today issues can lead to a sense of overwhelm which can be overpowering and cause you to want to give up or walk away.

·        This may be a case of needing to review your work life balance or getting yourself organised.

·         It may be the case that you need to learn how to say "No."

·        Make sure you review where you are in your life, the things you want to keep and the things you want to walk away from. Now work out a plan to do just that.

Stressor No. 4 - Loss of CONTROL

•       People get stressed about a situation because they feel out of control.

•       Different people react in different ways to loss of control and will use different strategies to  get back to a level of acceptable control for them .

•       Learning how you react to loss of control and the strategies that you use, can help you to understand what you might do differently.

Stressor No. 5 - Dealing with CHANGE

•       Many people don’t like change and get very stressed as a result.

•       The first steps to dealing with change is to accept it is inevitable and then deal with the consequences rather than the fact itself.

•       Learn to embrace change so it doesn’t scare you as much.

Stressor No. 6 - Resolving CONFLICT

For those of us who don’t like conflict, it can be a major source of stress. Learning to deal with it can be a major benefit. There are many ways of dealing with conflict, dependent on your situation. Here are a few:

1.       Don't take the bait.

2.       Consider the underlying causes. Is it obvious why someone is upset?

3.       Pause before you react. This will give you thinking time.

4.       Check your own behaviour. Is it part of the problem?

5.       Listen.

6.       Acknowledge that they may be correct in part of their concern.

7.       Be willing to negotiate if appropriate.

8.       Remain assertive.

9.       Stay in adult.

10.    Look for warning and danger signs.

11.    Check your distances.

12.    Avoid competing.

13.    Think Win/Win.

14.    Be prepared to deal with emotion and anger.

15.    Be aware, be alert.

16.    Know your legal position.

Stressor No. 7 - Dealing with a CRISIS

•       We all have to deal with crisis from time to time, whether it is personal or at work. Knowing how you are likely to react will help you plan on how to deal with things in the future.

•       Crises can hit us at anytime. Illness, a death in the family, divorce, bad debt. Unfortunately they are all too common. And can really knock you for six when they happen.

•       If you are dealing with a crisis, make sure that you have the support mechanisms in place to help you as much as possible,. This might include medical and legal professionals, friends and family, a coach or counsellor.

Want to find out more about how you can manage stress more effectively? Here are some useful links:

De-Stress You- Kindle Version

Useful Guides from Pansophix including:  A Useful Guide to De-Stress You,  A Useful Guide to Resolving Conflict, A Useful Guide to Create a New You - by Berry Winter

For Stress Coaching - http://www.jamberry.co.uk/coaching/coaching_home.html

For a variety of online products - http://www.jamberryonline.co.uk/index.html